My Life
By Mark
Color is how I should view the world, but all I can see is black & white. Everything is in monotone. I’m always sad, sometimes it gets to the point where I have the urges again. And my father is yelling, all the time. He berates me with names and phrases such as “You are Worthless" and "Oh! Cutting yourself is a hobby”. I do not get any praise from him. This does not help, especially since I want to become happy. My mother is gone… It's been about 3 years since she left this world. How am I going to survive anymore without her?
Let us start this story with the beginning of my life. My life began with the birth of myself; things were okay then. Then, as I grew life became more complex. My parents’ marriage was never a true fairy tale. Actually, it got to the point where objects were being thrown in the bedroom. It scared me; so much so that at one point, my sister Raven and I had to stay in a tent because my parents’ fighting got too intense. Then, my father finally got a job where he started working on the North Slope. How did it feel that my father was gone for two weeks at a time? Distraught, betrayed, actually I felt happy for once in my life. My family did not fight, and I was happy. Then, life got more complex, my brother sexually assaulted me when I was seven. I thought this was normal; however, I was traumatized. I couldn't feel the same for so many years. Then, freshman year of high school, my mother passed away from overdosing of alcohol. God, that happened all on a Friday. Why does God hate me? God, are you trying to punish me! I do not know what I believe and feel anymore. Life is just going downhill.
Then, I went to the funeral, and all I saw was black. Suddenly, as I walked closer all these memories washed through my brain. The happiness, the laughter, the pain, the suffering, all of them appeared at my brain in a split second as I saw her. Seeing her dead body consumed me. Now, I live with my verbally abusive father who degrades me constantly. How am I surviving? Honestly, I have no clue. Then, Junior year happened. I started going to a therapist to release my emotions, and now I see a psychiatrist to help cure my depression, or at least make it better. My sister, Raven, is in the same boat as me; she has problems too. Her doctors say she has an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. It does not help that we are all socially awkward, so it's hard for us to release our feelings. Good life, right?
Junior year was filled with drama, I even lost some friends and almost my best friend. His name is Mark Weathers. Honestly, he is not the best communicator, especially with his feelings. He has trouble with communication, so he lets it out through his music and blunt sarcasm. We are close, but we just are opposites and overcome obstacles through different ways. We both have depression, but we still make it through. Now, I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who lives in Maryland, but he makes me happy. I actually am at the happiest point in my life especially considering what has happened throughout my life. We met on a social media application called Vent. It's a place where we can meet someone and help each other out through our mental problems. This is how my life is, and I hope it continues this way.
Sincerely and Goodnight,
Rowen...
Let us start this story with the beginning of my life. My life began with the birth of myself; things were okay then. Then, as I grew life became more complex. My parents’ marriage was never a true fairy tale. Actually, it got to the point where objects were being thrown in the bedroom. It scared me; so much so that at one point, my sister Raven and I had to stay in a tent because my parents’ fighting got too intense. Then, my father finally got a job where he started working on the North Slope. How did it feel that my father was gone for two weeks at a time? Distraught, betrayed, actually I felt happy for once in my life. My family did not fight, and I was happy. Then, life got more complex, my brother sexually assaulted me when I was seven. I thought this was normal; however, I was traumatized. I couldn't feel the same for so many years. Then, freshman year of high school, my mother passed away from overdosing of alcohol. God, that happened all on a Friday. Why does God hate me? God, are you trying to punish me! I do not know what I believe and feel anymore. Life is just going downhill.
Then, I went to the funeral, and all I saw was black. Suddenly, as I walked closer all these memories washed through my brain. The happiness, the laughter, the pain, the suffering, all of them appeared at my brain in a split second as I saw her. Seeing her dead body consumed me. Now, I live with my verbally abusive father who degrades me constantly. How am I surviving? Honestly, I have no clue. Then, Junior year happened. I started going to a therapist to release my emotions, and now I see a psychiatrist to help cure my depression, or at least make it better. My sister, Raven, is in the same boat as me; she has problems too. Her doctors say she has an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. It does not help that we are all socially awkward, so it's hard for us to release our feelings. Good life, right?
Junior year was filled with drama, I even lost some friends and almost my best friend. His name is Mark Weathers. Honestly, he is not the best communicator, especially with his feelings. He has trouble with communication, so he lets it out through his music and blunt sarcasm. We are close, but we just are opposites and overcome obstacles through different ways. We both have depression, but we still make it through. Now, I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who lives in Maryland, but he makes me happy. I actually am at the happiest point in my life especially considering what has happened throughout my life. We met on a social media application called Vent. It's a place where we can meet someone and help each other out through our mental problems. This is how my life is, and I hope it continues this way.
Sincerely and Goodnight,
Rowen...